I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Cover your peen. We're going out.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
