That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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