speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
