Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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