Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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