alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
