Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
