FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
