After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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