who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
