I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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