I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
