We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
