She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
