you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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