I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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