sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
