I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
