so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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