Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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