i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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