Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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