then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
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