I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
