ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you win again, gameday.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
