Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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