There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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