You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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