I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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