Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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