its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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