In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
