even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
this hospital has no fireball
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
My bed smells like the plague
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
