i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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