remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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