I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
high people should be assigned attendants
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize