I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
