We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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