I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You can't just leave with hair like that
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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