yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
