Operation Purity has been aborted
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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