i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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