So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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