could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I cut my penus on the lid.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize