On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
