The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
