what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
