She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Still dying that you shit outside
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
