We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
