The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
