and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
it's like iHOP with fire
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Randomize
