I cannot find my penis.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
