shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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