Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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