you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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