There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
