All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
