i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You are a genius and a whore.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
