i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
My penis needs a shock collar
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
