If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
