you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
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