sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
