i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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