ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
