you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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