First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
