He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
