She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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