I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
