Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
