So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
