Me. At least after what I've been through.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
