she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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