hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
