Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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