I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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