im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
