You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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