My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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