it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
