My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
