I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
