3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize