Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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