I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
