Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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