I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
how does that bad decision feel?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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