Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
