we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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