"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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