My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
hell yes lets make some ravioli
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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