I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
