She's JV to your varsity
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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