Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
