when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
love makes seman taste better
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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