it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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