he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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