No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
