you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
