What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
