I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
