Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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