Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize