I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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